There are times when we are not fully aware of the hurts and angers we carry. Whether seen or unseen they can still affect us in many ways. Ultimately, they hold us back spiritually by reducing our ability to give and receive love to our fullest potential. When truth is shined on the hurt, healing can begin.
Excerpt from “Testimonies of God’s Love – Book 5”
I miss my mother. I am sure many, like me, continue to experience the emptiness and loss of a parent even after time passes and we ourselves grow older. My mother did not play a big part in my early childhood years. Most of my childhood memories are of outdoor adventures with my three older sisters as we explored the rural countryside with other neighborhood kids. I have very few early memories of my mother, and as a young child I was never really quite sure of her love. Demonstrating love for one another in our family was not something that was done. However, later in life as my mother and I grew older we developed a friendship based on love and a closeness that comes from being able to share with one another; oftentimes the only requirement was the other just listen. I miss our conversations.
This past spring, while attending a weeklong spiritual retreat at the Nature Awareness School, Prophet Del Hall suggested the class ask for inner guidance and clarity on anything that may be holding us back on our journey home to God. We were to do this before going to bed for the night. Early the following morning, as I lay quietly in bed barely awake, thoughts of my mother poured in. During this quiet morning time Prophet helped me recognize I was angry at my mother because of my childhood doubts of her love for me.
Prophet’s loving guidance showed me it was not that my mother did not love me as a child, it was that she herself carried scars from her childhood that prevented her from fully accepting and demonstrating love. This recognition was a blessed healing freeing me from the anger I carried and had not been fully aware of. In his Divine wisdom Prophet knew even a “little” anger was enough to hold me back from growing spiritually and continuing on my journey home to God.
I now cherish more than ever the love and friendship my mother and I developed in later years. As the weeks passed I recognized I had a prayer in my heart to tell her how much I love and miss her and to forgive her for those early childhood years. This prayer in my heart was answered on April 30, my mother’s birthday! One of my first thoughts upon awakening that morning was, “Happy Birthday Mom.” Later in the day I was drawn to sit in my mother’s loveseat, which I had acquired after her passing and now was in a spare bedroom of my house. Sitting in Prophet’s loving presence, I recalled all the cherished hours of loving conversations I had with my mother in her loveseat. The cherished conversations we had together in this “loveseat” are what had brought us closer together in friendship and love in our later years.
As I sat, I slowly became aware of my mother sitting beside me. I did not physically see her, but in that moment I definitely felt her loving presence. With joy in my heart and much emotion I talked to her. Sharing my feelings, I poured my heart out, crying and expressing to her how I missed her, loved her, and forgave her for those early childhood years. I asked her for forgiveness for the anger I had been carrying towards her. Peace descended on me as I sat in her “loveseat” and physically felt the weight of her arm come around my shoulders in a loving embrace. The prayer in my heart was answered!
By the Grace of God I am blessed by Prophet with this incredible, loving, healing experience.
Written by Donna Hospodar